10 Things I Miss About My Pre-Baby Life

When I was pregnant I heard constant warnings of how much my life was about to change. I’m not a party-all-night kind of gal so I figured the changes would be more noticeable for those who are. What I wasn’t prepared for was how much the subtle changes that I would experience would affect me. I could easily write a list of 1,000 reasons that I love my new life, but there are a few things that I miss about my pre-baby life. Here are my top 10.

Watching television or listening to talk radio at a normal volume. Before having a baby, I had no idea how noisy these little things could be! My 8 month old can drown out the sound of the television when it’s turned to almost its highest level, and she always picks the perfect time to squeal so that I’ll miss only the most pivotal moments. So, if I sound like a total idiot when we are discussing current events, remember that I only heard every 4th word of that news report. Continue reading

Why Your Fancy Pants Outfit P*sses Me Off

Fancy PantsI love taking my daughter to the park! She’s finally old enough to enjoy it, which makes her happy and gives me a few much needed moments of tranquil. Plus, since it’s so close to home, it’s a great impromptu outing when I just can’t live another moment in the circus that I call home. Unfortunately, there’s always that one mom who shows up at the park with her kids dressed like miniature Abercrombie models and whose own makeup and outfit look like they were assembled and applied by a team of trained professionals. It never fails, and it really p*sses me off! I am currently a stay at home mom. Let’s face it, I rarely have a reason to wear a bra, let alone high end shoes that perfectly compliment my coordinated makeup and jewelry. But, for a trip to the park I’ll break down, throw on some mascara, yoga pants, a tank top, and a bra. We all know the playground is supposed to basically be a mom’s safe zone where she can go to let her kids run wild while she kicks back on a bench and gets a few precious moments of comfort and peace. That is of course, until Miss Fancy Pants shows up. Suddenly, instead of wallowing in our comfort and ignoring the unidentifiable stains on the “clean” clothes that we threw on, we are faced with feeling fat, frumpy, and about as far from stylish as a person can get. Let’s face it ladies, we don’t dress to impress men, we dress to impress each other and if you insist on looking totally fabulous just to go to the park, you’re really playing dirty. It’s like wearing a white dress to a wedding. What the hell are you thinking? Go home. Put on your frumpy jeans, throw your hair in a ponytail and we’ll welcome you back with open arms. But until then, take your fancy-pants kids and go play at the mall.